Confused: Which fork in the road do I choose?

Hey you all out there in Blogger land!

I hope you are all having a great summer so far! If not, get out and take a walk in the park or something (with water, stay hydrated now!).  It is also summer music festival season, those are always fun.  I'll be hitting the clifford brown jazz festival here in Wilmington. Its free.99! But anyways, thats not the purpose of this blog. I digress.

I'm at a fork in the road in my life right now. I'm confused as all hell! Why and what am I confused about? A lot of things. I'm confused about my career, life, and love.  This time last year, I was pretty focused and steadfast on what I wanted to do with my life. I was back in school, something I wanted to do for the past couple of years since getting my Bachelors Degree.  I'm trying to get back into school for nursing, so I've been researching and applying for different accelerated programs over the past few months.  They've all pretty much told me the same thing: oh, its uber competitive, there's a waiting list, you have a C in that class?! oh, nah, we can't take that! And as of lately, I've been feeling as sort of a failure. I'm usually the encourager of my friends, but lately, my skies have been a lil rainy and gray.

So right now, I'm trying to figure out whether I want to go back to school or do I just look for a better job.  Right now, I'm a substitute teacher, but with that salary, Im just existing, barely making it.  While I'm grateful and I like the job, I cannot go another year doing the same thing.  I have a house value worth of student loans that I need to pay back and a family member that co-signed that I havent talked to in years because I cant afford to pay for the loans right now.  So I have to do SOMETHING in these next few weeks to turn my situation around.

Also, I'm kinda sorta in a situation?! Well I guess I'm not really in one if I have to guess im in one right? lol. But anyways...when I met this person, I wasn't even looking for anyone.  I was uber focused on school and bettering my life.  I told myself that I wasn't going to deal with anyone where I am because I plan on getting the hell out of here as soon as the right opportunity presented itself.  But as fate would have it, here I am 7 months later, not knowing what exactly what we are, we barely talk, I only see them once a month, and they're the only person I'm dealing with romantically. I feel like I'm repeating past mistakes by not saying anything. I was always afraid of chasing guys away if I was vocal about what I wanted and expected, but a closed mouth don't get fed! But when we're together, he gives me mixed messages. And I'll have soo much to ask him and to say, but when we're together, I don't say anything because I don't want to ruin the moment. All I want to be is a good woman to a good man. That seems to be too much to ask for at times...

Well, I'm about to go take a walk around a labrynth, hopefully it will help me untangle the ropes in my mind and help me to figure out my path to happiness.  I'll update y'all soon!

Trying to walk the path less traveled
MahoganyTene